Today while stumbling through some websites, I discovered the shocking news that an old colleague friend of mine, a beautiful, sweet and caring person, was in Thailand on 26 December 2004 and passed away in the tsunami.
I can’t begin to tell you how I feel. She was typically that kind of person that makes the statement ‘only the good die young’ true.
My mind ran through so many sentimental memories of what a kind and non-judgemental person she was. Her affinity for cats and Harry Potter, her simplicity, her genuinely caring attitude, her ignorance of how beautiful she was – I realise what a truly beautiful person she was, inside and out.
I even remember one moment of silliness, when we stripped down to our underwear and went swimming in a pool at a sports ranch that our company was having a Christmas party at. We thought no one else saw us but discovered the following week that one of the tech guys was up on the roof above the pool, capturing the pool area and caught us on camera! They later edited out that scene.
NL, you were truly a gemstone, what a loss. Thanks for the good memories of your beautiful personality.
Sunday, 20 January 2008
Friday, 18 January 2008
New York, New York
New York is in my blood. It has been since I was old enough to understand that it was a city in another country - at a time when TV was the only medium to experience it by. It fascinated me beyond anything else that forced American culture into our sheltered, southern world.
My first virginal memory of the place, was a scene in a TV show. Can't remember the name but it was typically ‘eighties’. It had a bright-lights-big-city backdrop and I can just about manage a memory of a thirty-something guy coming out of a tenement block, ostensibly to have a cigarette, but also to get out. He holds a rose, growing out of a pot near a front door, and you hear the sound of Sinatra’s ‘Moonlight Serenade’.
Sounds cheesy I know, but I that scene just created a paradigm in my mind, far beyond just the sights and sounds of one incident. It remained forever in me. I started crazily piecing together scenes from TV, bits of a puzzle, trying to get a flavour of the city. I imagined the lives of the working class to be the most intense. I could see the richness in their family and friendship bonds, in their conversations and their desires. Just the way they lived life, so passionate and energetic, so savoured, such furious liveliness, it stirred me. The sound of that life, its taste, its magnetism, it's a mystery that still holds me today: the belief that the inspiration of your true dreams never end.
My first virginal memory of the place, was a scene in a TV show. Can't remember the name but it was typically ‘eighties’. It had a bright-lights-big-city backdrop and I can just about manage a memory of a thirty-something guy coming out of a tenement block, ostensibly to have a cigarette, but also to get out. He holds a rose, growing out of a pot near a front door, and you hear the sound of Sinatra’s ‘Moonlight Serenade’.
Sounds cheesy I know, but I that scene just created a paradigm in my mind, far beyond just the sights and sounds of one incident. It remained forever in me. I started crazily piecing together scenes from TV, bits of a puzzle, trying to get a flavour of the city. I imagined the lives of the working class to be the most intense. I could see the richness in their family and friendship bonds, in their conversations and their desires. Just the way they lived life, so passionate and energetic, so savoured, such furious liveliness, it stirred me. The sound of that life, its taste, its magnetism, it's a mystery that still holds me today: the belief that the inspiration of your true dreams never end.
Thursday, 17 January 2008
Why do men still prefer (youthful) beauty over (slightly) older and wiser?
Still stuck on the twenties issue...
Why is it that the climax of my life so far, i.e. being 21, was characterised by being insecure, innocent and immature, yet also allowing me to be sexy, fun, popular, wanted and hugely fulfilled?
I am beginning to accept that good looks and ignorance are what makes the world go round. Not just go round, but words like power and wealth come to mind. Just look at Tom Cruise for example. Do you see what I mean?
Here I am, ten years down the road from 21, all the wiser and so pro-damn-foundly more experienced than my happy air-head days past. I exercise more than I have ever done, I’m not too bad looking for my age (some still think I am in my early twenties), I can hold my own in any conversation (for that matter debate on just about any subject), I actually have my own opinions now and don’t feel the need to be clingy or helped anymore. Just when I thought I've finally got to the stage where I can stand on my own feet and face the world, I realise that I am not needy and youthfully attractive enough to attract a good man?? (The kind of man I attracted in my early twenties: thirty-something, slim, toned, funny, charming, well-mannered, sociable, happy, fun...)
Can somebody tell me Why is this???
Why is it that the climax of my life so far, i.e. being 21, was characterised by being insecure, innocent and immature, yet also allowing me to be sexy, fun, popular, wanted and hugely fulfilled?
I am beginning to accept that good looks and ignorance are what makes the world go round. Not just go round, but words like power and wealth come to mind. Just look at Tom Cruise for example. Do you see what I mean?
Here I am, ten years down the road from 21, all the wiser and so pro-damn-foundly more experienced than my happy air-head days past. I exercise more than I have ever done, I’m not too bad looking for my age (some still think I am in my early twenties), I can hold my own in any conversation (for that matter debate on just about any subject), I actually have my own opinions now and don’t feel the need to be clingy or helped anymore. Just when I thought I've finally got to the stage where I can stand on my own feet and face the world, I realise that I am not needy and youthfully attractive enough to attract a good man?? (The kind of man I attracted in my early twenties: thirty-something, slim, toned, funny, charming, well-mannered, sociable, happy, fun...)
Can somebody tell me Why is this???
Monday, 14 January 2008
Transition from 20's to 30's
Perhaps it's time to stop reaching your goals and strive for a purpose in life instead, a life of meaning and significance.
This piece of guidance I have gleaned from a psychologies magazine I recently read.
The transition from your twenties to your thirties is a real mind screw. It creeps up on you very slowly. One day you look up and suddenly you have as they say: 'a wife and 2 kids, how did they get there? You don't know'.
I don't have a wife and 2 kids, firstly because I am a woman and secondly the slow creep up has been ever so slightly noticeable.
I remember at 26, someone I met at a really memorable social party said of me that I didn't come across as a 26 year old, that I had the 'lack of insecurity' of someone in their thirties, and I made a mental note.
Yes now I can do things, feel things, ignore things and be myself with a greater sense of understanding rather than acceptance, like I did in my twenties, but I can't remember when I changed.
Things I do now that I would never do in my twenties:
have lunch on my own in an expensive restaurant
make an effort to call that guy back instead of playing by the rules
dress for comfort rather than fashion
take far less risks that would affect my safety
laugh off very young guys hitting on me
advise people younger than me
pick up heavy things
not over-indulge in anything intoxicating
go out without make-up
leave the house for milk without first taking a shower on a Sunday morning
buy property
save money
feel broody when around babies
actually contemplate having a child
try to make a relationship work instead of running away
feel envious of young, beautiful twenty-somethings
consider dating a guy that might not 'up' my shares on the social exchange
desperately working on my changing body shape
diet
exercise
ignoring kids behaving badly in public
not going to clubs anymore because they make me feel old
not having any worthwhile goals and feeling stagnant
I seem to like lists as you may have noticed. But really this behaviour crept up on me and I am wondering if this is normal.
So my dilemma right now, is a confusion of where to go, what to do, what do I really want in life, how do I get there, will this make me happy?
And none of the answers leave me satisfied or clear as to what to do next. So I want a life of purpose, but do i really know what purpose and how do I change things so that I can fulfil that purpose an still survive, and most of all will it bring me happiness?
This piece of guidance I have gleaned from a psychologies magazine I recently read.
The transition from your twenties to your thirties is a real mind screw. It creeps up on you very slowly. One day you look up and suddenly you have as they say: 'a wife and 2 kids, how did they get there? You don't know'.
I don't have a wife and 2 kids, firstly because I am a woman and secondly the slow creep up has been ever so slightly noticeable.
I remember at 26, someone I met at a really memorable social party said of me that I didn't come across as a 26 year old, that I had the 'lack of insecurity' of someone in their thirties, and I made a mental note.
Yes now I can do things, feel things, ignore things and be myself with a greater sense of understanding rather than acceptance, like I did in my twenties, but I can't remember when I changed.
Things I do now that I would never do in my twenties:
have lunch on my own in an expensive restaurant
make an effort to call that guy back instead of playing by the rules
dress for comfort rather than fashion
take far less risks that would affect my safety
laugh off very young guys hitting on me
advise people younger than me
pick up heavy things
not over-indulge in anything intoxicating
go out without make-up
leave the house for milk without first taking a shower on a Sunday morning
buy property
save money
feel broody when around babies
actually contemplate having a child
try to make a relationship work instead of running away
feel envious of young, beautiful twenty-somethings
consider dating a guy that might not 'up' my shares on the social exchange
desperately working on my changing body shape
diet
exercise
ignoring kids behaving badly in public
not going to clubs anymore because they make me feel old
not having any worthwhile goals and feeling stagnant
I seem to like lists as you may have noticed. But really this behaviour crept up on me and I am wondering if this is normal.
So my dilemma right now, is a confusion of where to go, what to do, what do I really want in life, how do I get there, will this make me happy?
And none of the answers leave me satisfied or clear as to what to do next. So I want a life of purpose, but do i really know what purpose and how do I change things so that I can fulfil that purpose an still survive, and most of all will it bring me happiness?
Friday, 11 January 2008
Things I miss about home
sunshine
space
clean air
smiles on people's faces
beautful nature
roads that are not so congested
people that actually listen to you
respect
braais
good-looking men
pools
rosebank flea market
mr price
sundowners
short drives
boerewors
sandton city
northcliff hill
melville
downtown
wits
fresh food
value for money
sunday mornings when the city sleeps
breeze soap
spray and cook
the accents
african music
the trendy clubs and bars
dinner parties
friendly people
conversations with strangers
the sense of humor
analytical conversations about nothing
sunday morning newspapers and breakfasts
sunday afternoon naps and dvd's with kfc
nando's, ocean basket and steak houses
maids
having your petrol filled and purchased for you
good service
car washes
beauty salons
lounging at the pool
radio stations
jasmine at the start of summer
jacaranda trees
the tropical plants and flowers
efficiency
convenience
large open spaces
the joburg skyline
ponte
beautiful houses
big gardens
arty folk
big concerts
thinner people
energy
excitement
blue skies
parkhurst
greenside
space
clean air
smiles on people's faces
beautful nature
roads that are not so congested
people that actually listen to you
respect
braais
good-looking men
pools
rosebank flea market
mr price
sundowners
short drives
boerewors
sandton city
northcliff hill
melville
downtown
wits
fresh food
value for money
sunday mornings when the city sleeps
breeze soap
spray and cook
the accents
african music
the trendy clubs and bars
dinner parties
friendly people
conversations with strangers
the sense of humor
analytical conversations about nothing
sunday morning newspapers and breakfasts
sunday afternoon naps and dvd's with kfc
nando's, ocean basket and steak houses
maids
having your petrol filled and purchased for you
good service
car washes
beauty salons
lounging at the pool
radio stations
jasmine at the start of summer
jacaranda trees
the tropical plants and flowers
efficiency
convenience
large open spaces
the joburg skyline
ponte
beautiful houses
big gardens
arty folk
big concerts
thinner people
energy
excitement
blue skies
parkhurst
greenside
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Domestic Violence
Emotional and verbal abuse from a partner is classed as psychological domestic abuse and is a crime. If the following signs apply to you, please google domestic violence and find the nearest women's shelter/shelter to help you. In the UK you can try www.womensaid.org.uk or call (UK freephone) 0808 2000 247
Does your partner:
ignore your feelings?
disrespect you?
ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?
ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?
withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
give you the silent treatment?
walk away without answering you?
criticize you, call you names, yell at you?
humiliate you privately or in public?
roll his or her eyes when you talk?
give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?
make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?
seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?
tell you you are too sensitive?
hurt you especially when you are down?
seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?
have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?
present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?
"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?
try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?
complain about how badly you treat him or her?
threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?
say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?
ever left you stranded?
ever threaten to hurt you or your family?
ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?
seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?
abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?
compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?
promise to never do something hurtful again?
harass you about imagined affairs?
manipulate you with lies and contradictions?
destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?
drive like a road-rage junkie?
act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?
question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?
interrupt you; hear but not really listen?
make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?
use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?
incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?
try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"
frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?
treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?
Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:
You express your opinions less and less freely.
You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.
You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.
You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior?
You feel emotionally unsafe.
You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.
You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.
You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.
You doubt your own judgment.
You doubt your abilities.
You feel vulnerable and insecure.
You are becoming increasingly depressed.
You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.
You have been or are afraid of your partner.
Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.
If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women's shelter, educate yourself, seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!
Does your partner:
ignore your feelings?
disrespect you?
ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?
ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?
withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
give you the silent treatment?
walk away without answering you?
criticize you, call you names, yell at you?
humiliate you privately or in public?
roll his or her eyes when you talk?
give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?
make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?
seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?
tell you you are too sensitive?
hurt you especially when you are down?
seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?
have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?
present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?
"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?
try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?
complain about how badly you treat him or her?
threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?
say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?
ever left you stranded?
ever threaten to hurt you or your family?
ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?
seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?
abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?
compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?
promise to never do something hurtful again?
harass you about imagined affairs?
manipulate you with lies and contradictions?
destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?
drive like a road-rage junkie?
act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?
question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?
interrupt you; hear but not really listen?
make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?
use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?
incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?
try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"
frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?
treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?
Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:
You express your opinions less and less freely.
You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.
You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.
You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior?
You feel emotionally unsafe.
You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.
You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.
You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.
You doubt your own judgment.
You doubt your abilities.
You feel vulnerable and insecure.
You are becoming increasingly depressed.
You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.
You have been or are afraid of your partner.
Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.
If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women's shelter, educate yourself, seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Christmas in London
Things that have happened in London over the Christmas period:
1) While on my way to the movies I had the misfortune of walking behind a typical ignorant mother. Her poor innocent 3(ish) year old was practically running behind trying to catch up as she walked increasing faster towards the main entrance. The little girl was crying about something and her mother ignored her completely. The mother then disappeared into the entrance which was not very visible with the amount of people around and so the little girl tried to run faster to catch up and tripped over a metal carpet border and fell right onto the foot of a woman going in.
The mother then turns around to the woman and says 'Just walk away then after kicking my child!' What an idiotic mother! I really did have to stop myself from causing a scene and ofcourse the poor kid didn't get any attention at all!
2)At the local supermarket. Two cockney-accented women, both in 4-by-4's stop alongside each other on one of the narrow parking lanes and are having a private conversation. No one else can pass and the traffic is starting to build up. I hoot and the one woman sticks her head out and yells, 'ok, can you just wait we are having a conversation!'
3)At the local supermarket inside. This is the usual scene, just a million times worse at Christmas.
These shoppers were just not raised to understand the very efficient concept of not blocking pathways, especially at supermarkets. They do not stop their trolleys at the sides of lanes but anywhere they please and usually without any indication. They will veer in front of you at any time and walk without looking in front of them and ofcourse bump into you, after which they will give you a dirty look as if it's your fault.
They arrive in families of 10-12, especially with young children that feel that they have the right to run around the supermarket and woe betide if any run into your trolley, you will be received with much worse than in 1) above. They do also have conversations in the middle of pathways and bang into you without any conscience or apology. They walk slowly in front of you. They reach across your trolley to get items they can reach from any other angle.
But most of all the checkout queue is the greatest frustration. The staff have conversations with shoppers instead of hurrying up the job. Most people feel no need whatsoever to be as quick as possible because of the queue waiting behind them. They will very carefully search all four bags for the right card, when all is packed, after they have been standing there doing nothing for the last 5 minutes. They will insist on inquiring about the discounts on the 2 coupons amounting to £1 that has to be dealt with by the senior supervisor who takes about 20 minutes to check that they are not allowed the discount after all, and this happens about 1/2 an hour before the store closes and the queue is growing behind.
And then you will be faced with the rich-husband wife who cannot park her husband's large car in the normal-size parking bay and must attempt to do this about 16 times before she realises that there are plenty of parking bays in the row behind..
4) Conversation with my flatmate/ex-boyfriend who will henceforth be known as the FW (I'm sure you will eventually see why)
FW: (after taking out the garbage which was way overdue) The bag split on me
J: Did it mess your trousers?
FW: No I didn't mess my trousers, I said the bag split on me!
J: Yes and did IT MESS UP YOUR TROUSERS?
FW: How can a bag splitting mess up your trousers?
J: Nevermind
Sadly, this is not all part of the silly season, it's consistent.
1) While on my way to the movies I had the misfortune of walking behind a typical ignorant mother. Her poor innocent 3(ish) year old was practically running behind trying to catch up as she walked increasing faster towards the main entrance. The little girl was crying about something and her mother ignored her completely. The mother then disappeared into the entrance which was not very visible with the amount of people around and so the little girl tried to run faster to catch up and tripped over a metal carpet border and fell right onto the foot of a woman going in.
The mother then turns around to the woman and says 'Just walk away then after kicking my child!' What an idiotic mother! I really did have to stop myself from causing a scene and ofcourse the poor kid didn't get any attention at all!
2)At the local supermarket. Two cockney-accented women, both in 4-by-4's stop alongside each other on one of the narrow parking lanes and are having a private conversation. No one else can pass and the traffic is starting to build up. I hoot and the one woman sticks her head out and yells, 'ok, can you just wait we are having a conversation!'
3)At the local supermarket inside. This is the usual scene, just a million times worse at Christmas.
These shoppers were just not raised to understand the very efficient concept of not blocking pathways, especially at supermarkets. They do not stop their trolleys at the sides of lanes but anywhere they please and usually without any indication. They will veer in front of you at any time and walk without looking in front of them and ofcourse bump into you, after which they will give you a dirty look as if it's your fault.
They arrive in families of 10-12, especially with young children that feel that they have the right to run around the supermarket and woe betide if any run into your trolley, you will be received with much worse than in 1) above. They do also have conversations in the middle of pathways and bang into you without any conscience or apology. They walk slowly in front of you. They reach across your trolley to get items they can reach from any other angle.
But most of all the checkout queue is the greatest frustration. The staff have conversations with shoppers instead of hurrying up the job. Most people feel no need whatsoever to be as quick as possible because of the queue waiting behind them. They will very carefully search all four bags for the right card, when all is packed, after they have been standing there doing nothing for the last 5 minutes. They will insist on inquiring about the discounts on the 2 coupons amounting to £1 that has to be dealt with by the senior supervisor who takes about 20 minutes to check that they are not allowed the discount after all, and this happens about 1/2 an hour before the store closes and the queue is growing behind.
And then you will be faced with the rich-husband wife who cannot park her husband's large car in the normal-size parking bay and must attempt to do this about 16 times before she realises that there are plenty of parking bays in the row behind..
4) Conversation with my flatmate/ex-boyfriend who will henceforth be known as the FW (I'm sure you will eventually see why)
FW: (after taking out the garbage which was way overdue) The bag split on me
J: Did it mess your trousers?
FW: No I didn't mess my trousers, I said the bag split on me!
J: Yes and did IT MESS UP YOUR TROUSERS?
FW: How can a bag splitting mess up your trousers?
J: Nevermind
Sadly, this is not all part of the silly season, it's consistent.
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