Friends or more?

Meeting an ex-colleague for dinner after not seeing them for months, especially one whom you think -and it’s just a smidgen of a possibility here - likes you, is a lot more difficult that you think, especially when said person also happens to be an ex-boss.

I met him last night for what was meant to be drinks and then turned to dinner, (at a ridiculously expensive restaurant), in Soho.

Having hibernated in my secluded flat for months, the first outing of this nature required an enormous amount of effort on my part, just to appear effortlessly smooth. I bought fat-burning creams, did hundreds of push ups, new make-up, new better-fitting jeans (whose hems had to be hand-sewn after the sewing machine needle broke on me, mid jean leg), layers of sexy knitwear as opposed to chunky, warm clothes (I am so glad that for some unexplained reason I did not freeze), and a fake, totally-at-ease, joie de vive attitude.

It turned out alright, I guess. The food was scrumptious, the service commendable, the company a bit laboured, but good conversation flowed and for a change I felt really comfortable.

Don’t get me wrong, I, do not fancy him, but would like to keep the friendship which, with these type of men, is very difficult, because we are very compatible, in many ways, and that old saying about men and women not being able to be friends without sex getting in the way makes me wonder about whether it relates to people like us.

I got a text from him today saying how much he enjoyed last night and we should do it again sometime.

Verdict? I don’t effing know! Not a clue.

Why do men still prefer (youthful) beauty over (slightly) older and wiser?

Still stuck on the twenties issue...

Why is it that the climax of my life so far, i.e. being 21, was characterised by being insecure, innocent and immature, yet also allowing me to be sexy, fun, popular, wanted and hugely fulfilled?

I am beginning to accept that good looks and ignorance are what makes the world go round. Not just go round, but words like power and wealth come to mind. Just look at Tom Cruise for example. Do you see what I mean?

Here I am, ten years down the road from 21, all the wiser and so pro-damn-foundly more experienced than my happy air-head days past. I exercise more than I have ever done, I’m not too bad looking for my age (some still think I am in my early twenties), I can hold my own in any conversation (for that matter debate on just about any subject), I actually have my own opinions now and don’t feel the need to be clingy or helped anymore. Just when I thought I've finally got to the stage where I can stand on my own feet and face the world, I realise that I am not needy and youthfully attractive enough to attract a good man?? (The kind of man I attracted in my early twenties: thirty-something, slim, toned, funny, charming, well-mannered, sociable, happy, fun...)

Can somebody tell me Why is this???