Drought

It has been a very long time since I have fallen in love. The sweet surrender of the heart seems like centuries ago in my life.

A friend of mine once said that people only have so many chances of falling in love, and once you’ve used up your particular ration, it doesn’t happen again. Sounds a bit too cynical and simple to me. The only thing is, strangely enough, I haven’t really felt ‘in love’, since a certain point in my life, when at one stage I remember saying to myself that I don’t feel as if I’ll ever really experience that ‘in love’ feeling again. Self-fulfilling prophesy?

I think the answer may be more rational though. There are certain factors missing in my life right now that prevent me from falling in love. Not the least of which, is not being in proximity of like-minded, compatible men with whom I have more chance of discovering mutual chemistry.

Also, having more responsibilities and troubles in my life right now, and let’s face it, just being mature, often prevents me from truly letting go and being in touch with my feelings.

Another scary thought, some of the few times I have discovered real chemistry, have been when I was rather chemically-altered myself, which never happens anymore and now I am left questioning, was it really me, back then, falling in love?

Astrology offers an answer: once every 12 years, and a few more minor incidents in between. Now if this is the case, then I have been between the in-between incidents for a long time.

Social structures have so much to do with chemistry too. I can honestly say that I am usually attracted to guys who have shy smiles and soft voices, and a bit of a quiet intellectuality about them. Now that’s pretty rare in my current neck of the woods.

These guys used to be called SNAGS (sensitive new age guys) in the nineties but seem to have died out now (along with the dried tomato and chicken a la king).

They’re the kind of guy that would agree to go out for coffee and listen to your troubles, rather than drinks and premature too-drunk-to-realise bonking. They would visit you if you were ill (with chicken soup!) and remember your special occasions. And if you weren’t originally that interested in them (physically), they would be your friend in the hope that one day things will change.

Now, chemistry + a SNAG would certainly be the perfect match for me.

But unfortunately, the chances of that happening here and now are pretty much zilch.

What is a girl to do?